The Evolution Road Trip
by cheskie
Summary: Includes HHH, Ric Flair, Batista, and Randy...total randomness, hilarity, chaos and sexual innuendo ensues! R&R!
1. Never Badmouth The Game

**_D: THE EVOLUTION ROAD TRIP :D_**

_On some of the one-way and zigzagged roads of America, Evolution is cramped in an unreliable Jeep under the sweltering sun and the fair weather. The Nature Boy is on the driver seat, the Game is on the passenger's, and the Legend Killer and the Animal of Evolution take the back. So this is how their semi normal trip goes…_

**RANDY**: Aaah…riding in Jeep sure is better!

**FLAIR**: I'm glad you liked it.

**RANDY**: Say…how long until we reach the next city?

**HHH**: About 5 to 6 hours.

**RANDY**: What? That's LONG! But…I'm getting horny.

**HHH**: Bear it.

**RANDY**: Don't wanna!

**HHH**: Do you want a taste of my Pedigree, you dipshit?

**RANDY**: _(starts to sweat)_ I'm horny!

**HHH**: Quiet.

**RANDY**: I'm horny, I'm horny, I'm HORNY!!!

**HHH**: Shut up!

**BATISTA**: Actually, it won't take that long. There's a town nearby.

**RANDY**: Eh, really?

**HHH**: Dave, don't you dare say it.

**RANDY**: Come on! Where, where?

**BATISTA**: The city where Ric used to train me. It only takes an hour or so to get there.

**HHH**: Rejection. That's at an entirely different direction.

**RANDY**: Why not? It's just this once.

**BATISTA**: I have some unfinished business there myself.

**RANDY**: Unfinished business? What's that?

**BATISTA**: Hm. A good man like me naturally has a lot of stuff to do.

**RANDY**: What the hell are you talking about?

**BATISTA**: A kid like you won't understand what I'm saying.

**FLAIR**: Ah, I get it.

**RANDY**: Eh, what, what?

**FLAIR**: We have to be prepared for traveling. Like tools, food, and all that crap.

**BATISTA**: Huh?

**FLAIR**: Rest assured. I already have everything prepared before our trip. They're in the back trunk.

**RANDY**: Geez…so that's what you meant.

**BATISTA**: Are you stupid or something? Of course not.

**RANDY**: Then what?

**BATISTA**: Didn't I tell you? A kid like you won't get it.

**RANDY**: _(starts to think)_

**BATISTA**: Try to think of it from that direction.

**RANDY**: Okay. Hmmm…all right! I got it!

**BATISTA**: Already?

**RANDY**: The unfinished business is homework, right?

**BATISTA**: You…

**RANDY**: That's not it either?

**BATISTA**: Ahh, never mind. It's about women. Women.

**RANDY**: Women?

_(everyone stifles laughter)_

**BATISTA**: All right, laugh all you want. But believe it or not, there are tons of pretty girls who fell for me. I've dumped countless numbers of them.

**RANDY**: What, are ninety-eight percent of them gay?

_(everyone laughs out loud)_

**BATISTA**: What is that supposed to mean?

**HHH**: No…Randy's right.

**BATISTA**: Hunter…

**HHH**: Do you really understand Evolution's mission?

**BATISTA**: Dominate RAW and get all the titles of WWE.

**HHH**: I'll say it again one more time. This is about the future of this business, and we don't have time to take side-trips.

**BATISTA**: Heh. Only a spread-around guy would say something like that.

**HHH**: What did you say?

**BATISTA**: Oh sure, every woman likes to go near the Cerebral Assasin because of that flabby abs and that humungous nose in pretense like you.

**HHH**: _(cocks 12 gauge Magnum shotgun) _Say that again.

**FLAIR**: Hunter, please stop. It's dangerous to open fire while the car is in motion.

**HHH**: Pleading for his life is useless.

**BATISTA**: Hm.

_(silence)_

**BATISTA**: Big nose.

_(BANG BANG BANG)_

**BATISTA**: You fucker! A normal person won't have fired!

**HHH**: Hn. My finger slipped.

**BATISTA**: I almost died!

**RANDY**: Hey! That's supposed to be my line! I almost got shot by accident!

**BATISTA**: You're so noisy. Shut up, you stupid pimp.

**RANDY**: Aaa? You're calling me stupid pimp again?! You perverted crab body!

**BATISTA**: So what? You stupid pimp, tiny pimp, immature pimp!

**RANDY**: What did you say! Pervertperverpervertpervertpervertperverted crab body!!!

**HHH**: Shut the fuck up!!!

_(BANG BANG BANG)_

**RANDY**: _(whispers) _Crab body.

**BATISTA**: _(whispers back) _Idiotic pimp.

**FLAIR**: Looks like everyone's quiet now.

**HHH**: Seems like it. I'm going to sleep. Don't bother me.

**BATISTA & RANDY**: Okay…

**FLAIR**: Good night.

_(silence)_

**BATISTA**: He's fallen asleep.

**RANDY**: I think so.

**FLAIR**: I think he's pretty tired.

**BATISTA**: He looks pretty cute when he's asleep.

**FLAIR**: Dave, you'll be killed if he heard that.

**BATISTA**: I only say it because he can't hear it. Hey, Ric…

**FLAIR**: What?

**BATISTA**: Go to the town.

**FLAIR**: But…

**BATISTA**: Just do it, Ric.

**RANDY**: I agree! Do that! Girls, girls and girls!

**FLAIR**: Is it all right?

**BATISTA**: I already said its fine. I'll take care of him later.

**FLAIR**: I'm not talking about Hunter. I'm talking about you. Are you sure you really want to go back?

**BATISTA**:Why won't I?

**FLAIR**: Why? Aren't there a lot of things?

**BATISTA**: Like what?

**FLAIR**: First of all, there's the gambling house. Didn't you go there often and acquire quite a large sum of debt? If you go back, you might be in trouble.

**BATISTA**: That's nothing.

**FLAIR**: Ah, there's also the matter with the town association chief.

**BATISTA**: The town association?

**FLAIR**: That's right. You were next in turn for taking out the garbage, but I heard from the chief you never distinguish between recyclable and non-recyclable trash. The chief was really angry.

**BATISTA**: Annoying old man.

**FLAIR**: That's why the chief's wife will give you a scolding afterwards.

**BATISTA**: What? That demonic hag?

**FLAIR**: That's right.

**BATISTA**: That old woman talks as loud as a witch, and looks like a cross between Molly Holly and Jazz.

**FLAIR**: And then…

**BATISTA**: Hey…there's more?

**FLAIR**: Among the ladies you have abandoned…how many of them bear intense hatred for you?

**BATISTA**: What…what are you saying?

**FLAIR**: It seems like Courtney and Nicole have accidentally met up with each other in the love hotel.

**BATISTA**: How did you know about this?

**FLAIR**: And you gave the wrong presents to Melanie and Jenna.

_(Randy whistles)_

**FLAIR**: And then, Thelma and Louise—

**BATISTA**: That's enough, Ric!!!

**RANDY**: What's wrong with you, Dave?

**BATISTA**: Ah that's it! We have a very important mission to save WWE, so there's no time for side trips!

**FLAIR**: Then, it's all settled.

**BATISTA**: Let's got to the east immediately! Our destination—Stamford, Conneticut!!!

_(majestic music)_

**HHH**: Hold it. I changed my mind.

**RANDYFLAIRBATISTA**: Hunter?!

**HHH**: Let's go to your town.

**BATISTA**: Don't be like that, Hunter…why did you suddenly change your mind?

**HHH**: I want to see you make a fool of yourself.

**BATISTA**: Bastard! You heard everything, didn't you?!

**FLAIR**: Ohh…so you were just pretending to be asleep. What a coincidence.

**HHH**: Anyway Ric, turn around to your town.

**FLAIR**: Anything for you, Hunter.

**BATISTA**: W-wait a minute…

**HHH**: Randy, isn't it great? We can all fuck all day long.

**RANDY**: Yay! Pussy, pussy!

**BATISTA**: You're not listening to me, asshole!

**HHH**: How noisy.

**BATISTA**: It's past morning!

**RANDY**: Dave, didn't you say you want to go back to your town? A man doesn't take back his words.

**BATISTA**: Shut up! I don't want to listen to a dwarf pimp and an impatient big nose!

**HHH**: Impatient?!

_(BANG BANG BANG)_

**BATISTA**: Whaaa!!! Let go!!! Turn the car around!!! Dammit!!!

_(gunshots, car brakes and turns, and lots of shouting)_

_**D: tHe eNd :D (or is it?)**_

**sorry guyz if this sucked big time...but i have a lot of fun typing this...i wuz really laughing my ass off...hope you would too! happy holidays!**

****


	2. What You Should Not Learn

**Ah! It's so good to be back on track! Even though Evolution is no more, I'll bring them all to their sad existences back again! And yes, HHH's 12-gauge magnum is back on action! LOL!**

**Thank you so much for the reviews! And as a reward, here's Chapter 2! Enjoy:p**

…

_**After a long, long trip and another WWE live show, Evolution resided in a hotel before their next trip. Batista and Flair went out for a night in the town, which leaves us to…**_

**RANDY**: (barges into the room clumsily) Hunter! (rushes towards HHH, knocking things out of his way and screeches to a halt in front of him)

**HHH**: (tic appears in left eye) Shuddup, ape! Can't you see that I'm busy?

**RANDY**: Hunter, can you teach me how to use that gun of yours?

**HHH**: (flatly) No.

**RANDY**: Pleaseeeee……………….Hunter? (makes watery eyes at him)

**HHH**: sigh All right. (hands Randy the gun)

**RANDY**: (hops up and down like the monkey that he is) How do you do it?

**HHH**: You cock the gun then you shoot.

**RANDY**: (cocks the gun) Is this right?

**HHH**: Right. Now you shoot.

**RANDY**: (shoots without caring where he was aiming at)

**HHH**: Hey-- watch out!

**RANDY**: Eh?

**HHH**: (eyes widen as he sees a few strands of golden hair float before his face)

**RANDY**: (still blank about what had befallen HHH) What happened?

**HHH**: (touches the top of his head and his fingers feel singed hair)

**RANDY**: (notices HHH's hair for the first time) Hunter? What happened to your hair?

**HHH**: (Mount Krakatoa erupts in background) My hair, you frigging dumbass ape!

**RANDY**: (face turns pale at the sight of HHH) What? I didn't do anything!

**HHH**: You burnt my hair, damn you! (launches paper fan after paper fan at Randy until the poor boy is covered in a small hill of paper fans)

**RANDY**: (sticks a hand out of the mound) Hey Hunter! When you die, can you give me this gun?

**HHH**: (face turns a deep red as he flattens the pile of paper fans, along with Randy under it, in a few good stomps and stalks out of the room)

**RANDY**: ……………b-bad q-question…

**(t.b.c.)**

…

**Oh, dear God…too much freaking foolishness! LOL! Don't forget to review:p**


End file.
